


Absolution

by Garunala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asylum, Dubious Consent, M/M, My First Smut, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Season 1 episode 10, first time in a long time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-20
Updated: 2016-11-20
Packaged: 2018-09-01 04:01:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8606440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Garunala/pseuds/Garunala
Summary: In a way Sam wasn´t the only one affected by Dr. Ellicott. Back at the Motel Sam tries to talk to Dean, whose anger and frustration finally make him snap.





	

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, please tell me if you find any bad errors. This is my first attempt at smut, so it probably sucks, but I tried. Please be aware that it´s dubious consent, please don´t read it if that bothers you or you might be triggered. I´d love to get feedback and criticism as long as it´s constructive, so feel free to leave a review and tell me how to improve! I´m not overly happy with the title, suggestions would be welcomed.

Absolution

Dean was obviously furious, but what was worse than the anger was the hurt hidden beneath it. Sam slid deeper into the shotgun seat, eyes fixed on the dashboard where it was safe to look. In all honesty Sam couldn´t fault Dean for his anger. He could still hardly believe he´d attempted to shoot his brother himself, not to mention the hurtful things he´d thrown at Dean. Granted, he´d been more or less possessed at the time, but everything he´d said had roots in the truth, as much as he hated to admit it even to himself. 

The only thing that had happened completely against anything Sam had ever wanted was him pulling that trigger. Because no matter what he might have thought about Dean in his lowest, angriest moments, he´d never, ever wanted his brother dead. Not that Dean would believe him if he said so, he´d tried. Sure, on the surface Dean had shrugged it off, had pretended it was fine, but Sam wasn´t blind and he was able to read his brother even after all the time they´d been apart. 

Dean was hurt, and Sam couldn´t let this go, not when he had seen how shattered his brother had been when Ellicott had made Sam´s body pull the trigger. 

“Dean-“Sam barely got to start his sentence before he was shut up by Metallica blaring so loudly it made him flinch. Sighing he closed his eyes and resolved to wait Dean out. 

The motel room door had barely closed behind them when Sam spoke up. “Dean, we need to-“

“Sam, I swear to god, if you say ´talk about this´ I´m going to kill you.” Dean bit out. The ´like you apparently want to kill me´ went unspoken, but Sam heard it anyway and barely kept from flinching. 

“I get that you´re angry, and I´ll be honest, some of that stuff had a grain of truth. But I only thought about any of that when I was angry and couldn´t think clearly, none of that is how I actually feel! And I´ve never, Dean, I mean it, never wanted to kill you. That one was all Ellicott.” 

Reasoning with Dean when he was angry was close to impossible; getting him to listen when he was hurt took nothing short of a miracle. Sam wasn´t surprised when Dean glared at him bitterly and snapped at him to shut the fuck up. 

“No, no I won´t. I don´t want this to stand between us, so take a swing if it´ll make you feel better, but I won´t let it go.” 

He was pushing boundaries and he knew it, but while provoking Dean was a dangerous game it was often the only thing that got him to open up. Dean stalked forward, glowering darkly as he crowded Sam against the wall. The younger Winchester went easily, bracing himself for the attack. There was an attack, alright, but Dean didn´t attack with his fists. 

He gripped Sam´s shirt tightly, slammed him against the wall and smashed their lips together. The kiss could barely be called a kiss, it was brutal, more like Dean was biting at Sam´s mouth. One of Dean´s hands ended up in Sam´s hair, tugging him closer harshly and angling him into the kiss so Dean could bite at his lips better. Sam winced as his brother´s teeth caught his bottom lip and broke the tender skin, he tasted blood but didn´t pull away. 

The last time Dean had kissed him had been soft and tender. They´d made love for the last time before Sam left, Dean still blissfully unaware of the application letter in Sam´s duffel, and afterwards they´d exchanged lazy kisses and caresses. Sam had missed that at Stanford, just as he´d missed everything else about Dean, and he´d still missed it when they´d gotten back on the road, because while he´d loved Jess he´d always loved Dean more and being around him without a sign that his brother ever wanted to resume their relationship was difficult. In a way the kiss was a relief and Sam didn´t even think about fighting it, even if the harshness was new. 

He was slack and pliant, letting Dean manipulate him this way and that as his brother licked into his mouth, stabbed his tongue inside like he was fucking it. It was undeniably hot, despite the less than tender handling, or maybe even because of it, and arousal slowly built. It flared hot and shocking when Dean suddenly shoved at Sam´s shoulders, manhandling him until he fell to his knees, and he looked up at Dean, panting and tasting blood on his lips. 

His brother´s eyes were hooded and dark, burning with rage still, and there was a delicious spark of almost-fear in Sam´s stomach. Dean looked out of control, every inch the dangerous predator Sam knew him to be, a side of his brother that had never been directed at him before. Dean undid his jeans with jerky movements, shoving them down along with his boxers. 

His cock was hard and flushed, leaking precome, and Sam´s mouth watered at the sight. Since leaving for Stanford he hadn´t been with any guys, too hung up over Dean to feel like hooking up with any, but he was fairly sure he could still give a fairly satisfying blowjob. Without hesitation he leaned forward, taking the head into his mouth and sucking lightly. Dean bucked up; cock sliding deeper unexpectedly and making Sam gag a bit. He pulled back a little but didn´t protest, figuring he´d get the hang of deepthroating again quickly enough as long as he started slow and worked up to it. 

Dean seemed to have other ideas, though, because he buried his hands in Sam´s hair, finger´s gripping the strands so tightly Sam yelped, and drove his hips forward with purpose this time. The head of his cock bumped into the back of Sam´s throat and he gagged again, eyes watering. By now it was obvious Dean intended this to be punishment, but Sam supposed he could be excused for having been a bit slow on the uptake considering his surprise Dean wanted him sexually again at all. 

It wasn´t a healthy coping method, Sam wasn´t stupid, but not much about the Winchester´s relationship was healthy at all anyway, so it didn´t seem to matter. And if it would help Dean get this out of his system Sam figured he could take a rough throatfuck, so he tried to relax his throat and let his jaw go slack. Just in time too, because Dean started to fuck his mouth in earnest, shoving in with short, jerky thrusts. It didn´t hurt exactly, but the feeling wasn´t very pleasant either and Sam had to concentrate hard on breathing. 

His brother wasn´t quiet anymore, grunting and panting as he drove his cock in deeper with every thrust. When he sank in all the way, Sam´s nose pressed into his skin, Sam choked, the tears finally spilling over as he frantically tried to breathe. With a high, panicked noise that was muffled around the thick cock in his throat he struggled for the first time, tapping Dean´s hip frantically. 

His brother pulled him off, allowing him to greedily suck in air in hurried, wet gasps, but before Sam could really recover Dean´s hips started moving again. A little more prepared this time Sam managed to stay calm when Dean´s cock slid back into his throat, thick and hot. He could feel it pulsing and there was the heavy, salty tang of precome on his tongue. To his surprise it turned him on, his half hard cock slowly filling as Dean fucked his mouth without regard to Sam´s choking and gasping. He didn´t dare touch himself, there was no telling what Dean might do, so he put his hands to better use and curled one around Dean´s thigh to steady himself while he palmed Dean´s balls with the other. It drew a moan from Dean and something in Sam´s chest flared with slutty pride at making his brother lose control. 

God, he´d never thought he could enjoy something like this, had never even considered it, and he doubted he´d be able to stand it with anyone but Dean, but enjoy it he did. Sam tentatively tried to swipe his tongue along the underside of Dean´s cock whenever he could; it was harder to manage than he´d thought because Dean moved with barely a pause. It was worth it, though, because Dean showed more reaction than he had all night and Sam felt a certain satisfaction. 

Dean pulled out suddenly, leaving Sam´s throat pulsing around nothing for a brief, startling moment, and roughly lifted him to his feet only to shove him towards the bed. Sam went without a fuss, sprawling on the cheap sheets and licking his lips, moaning at the taste of Dean lingering there. Dean stalked over and Sam shivered as he looked up to him. His brother´s expression was dark and the way he loomed over Sam, helplessly spread out on the bed, was intimidating in the best way. A tingle of excitement went through Sam, pooling in his groin, and he gasped when Dean caught his mouth in another brutal kiss. 

He couldn´t decide whether to participate or stay passive, unsure what would tick Dean off, and in the end he gave in to the unfamiliar thrill of submitting to his brother completely. Rough hands tore at his shirt and he raised his arms so Dean could tug it over his head, whimpering when he felt his brother´s hot skin on his for the first time in years. The intimacy was overwhelming, even more so with Dean´s dominance and he couldn´t help moving into the touch, only to be pushed down. 

He took the hint and stayed still, hissing when Dean nipped at his neck harshly. It only seemed to spur Dean on; he bit down again, harder, until Sam was sure the skin had been broken. It hurt pretty badly, but when Dean sucked and licked the spot until the pulsing ache was more pleasurable than painful he arched into it anyway, baring his neck submissively. Dean growled, a sound that went right to Sam´s cock, and started to leave a chain of bite-marks and hickeys winding around Sam´s sore throat like a necklace. 

He sucked and nibbled on Sam´s collarbone before sliding down and biting down on his nipple harshly. Sam yelped and twisted, trying to get away from the pain. His nipples had always been sensitive, as Dean well knew, and biting down so hard was a low move that proved how angry he still was. It should have been a turn off, but Sam was hard and throbbing, dick straining against his jeans. 

He almost sighed in relief when Dean undid his jeans and dragged them off along with his boxers, discarding them on the floor, but he wasn´t surprised when Dean ignored his erection entirely. Sam parted his lips willingly when three fingers were shoved in his face, stomach clenching in nervous anticipation when he realized Dean was planning to fuck him without proper lube. They´d never fucked with only spit before, his brother had always insisted on going completely overboard prepping Sam, and he couldn´t deny it aroused him a little to imagine how different if would feel. He sucked and licked at the fingers, going down to the webbing between them and coating them in spit the best he could, fidgeting under Dean´s intense, dark eyes. 

His brother soon withdrew them, knocking Sam´s thighs apart without preamble and pressing the first finger in. It entered in one slide, stretching Sam almost painfully, and he had to fight not to tense up. Instead he took a slow breath and let it out, consciously relaxing his muscles, and when Dean started moving his finger there wasn´t actual pain, just a staticy drag that made him shiver, arms pebbling with goose bumps. Soon Dean was fucking it in and out with short stabbing motions that obviously weren´t meant to be pleasurable.

The second finger pressed against Sam´s rim way too soon and he hissed when Dean shoved it in along with the first, resuming the movement without pausing to let Sam adjust. Sam´s erection flagged considerably as his brother roughly prepared him, the sharp sting of being stretched too much too soon made even more unpleasant without any stimulation. Not that he´d expected Dean to care about that. He resigned himself to getting through this without getting off, earlier arousal faltering. 

Usually he wouldn´t have hesitated to tell Dean to stop, and he was fairly sure his brother would stop immediately if he said something, but Sam wanted this. Maybe, if he just dealt with this, Dean would forgive him and they could go back to the way their relationship had been before Stanford. 

The third finger made Sam hiss and arch his back, the burn decidedly painful this time and Dean paused for a moment, fingers resting heavily inside Sam. It was a relief, but it didn´t last anywhere long enough before Dean withdrew them completely. He held his hand in front of Sam´s mouth in clear command and Sam obediently spat, watching anxiously as Dean slicked himself up. 

His eyes were fixed on Dean, willing him to look up, to look at him, but his brother kept his eyes on his hands as he lined up and started to push in. It hurt, it hurt a whole fucking lot, and Sam nearly bit through his lip in an attempt to keep from shouting. The taste of copper was overwhelming as his lip split again and he slammed his eyes shut to keep himself from crying. It felt like an eternity before he felt Dean bottoming out with a rough push and he couldn´t help a whimper escaping. When Dean started to move he almost sobbed, fingernails digging into his palms. 

At first it was almost unbearable, he was so stretched around Dean´s cock it hurt like hell, but eventually he started to loosen up under the relentless thrusts. Dean wasn’t actually brutal, but he was persistent and didn´t seek out Sam´s prostate to make it more pleasurable. Still, when he picked up the pace his cock slid against it with every other thrust, providing the stimulation needed to distract Sam from the remaining pain. 

His cock started to fill again and he moaned, actively pushing back and angling his hips to seek out the delicious slide of his brother´s cock against his prostate. Soon he was writhing beneath Dean, gasping and whining, barely keeping himself from begging. He wanted to vocalize his pleasure, plead for Dean to touch him, but the way his brother was acting it wouldn´t be a good idea. Dean was driving into him forcefully now, pounding Sam´s prostate more often than not, and the noises he couldn´t suppress sounded almost desperate. Sam wished he could touch himself more than anything, he was so hard it hurt, but he didn´t think it would be safe to move his hands. 

As it turned out he didn´t need to, because Dean fucked in hard, two, three brutal thrusts that nailed Sam´s prostate dead on, and he came untouched, spurting over his stomach messily with a whimper and a weak twitch. It didn´t deter Dean in the slightest, he didn´t pause, pursuing his own orgasm single mindedly. A couple strokes later he bit Sam´s neck, hard, and came with a groan as Sam bucked up, gasping in pain. He sunk back onto the mattress with a whimper, wincing when Dean pulled out too fast. 

“Dea-“

“Shut the fuck up.” Dean´s voice was rough and he didn´t look at Sam. 

With a sinking feeling Sam closed his mouth, dropping his eyes to the messed up comforter. He could see Dean pulling op his jeans in his peripheral, swallowing when the door slammed a few moments later and he was alone. 

Lying there, staring at the water stained ceiling with Dean´s come sluggishly leaking out of him, Sam wondered if the last chance to get their relationship back was lost now. 

Dean didn´t return for two days and the only reason Sam didn´t lose all hope was the Impala still parked in the motel lot. Dean´s duffel was there as well, but Sam wouldn´t put it behind him to leave it if he really didn´t want to come back. As it was Dean´s beloved car was a reassurance that he would, eventually, be back. 

Sam didn´t leave the room for the entire two days, getting food delivered, unwilling to take the chance of coming back to a missing car. If Dean wanted her back he could damn well face Sam. 

The second evening Sam was surfing the web, trying in vain to distract himself, when he heard the scratching of the key in the lock. He sat up and closed the laptop, chewing on his lip as he watched the door open. Dean crept in like he hoped Sam was asleep or would somehow not see him, slinking in like a beaten dog. It was a relief, actually, because it meant Dean had run out of guilt for being so rough, not because he didn´t want to see Sam ever again.

“Took you long enough.” Sam kept his voice neutral, but Dean flinched anyway, sneaking a glance at him through his lashes. 

He looked exhausted, his cheeks were covered in stubble and there were deep rings under his eyes. Sam wondered if he´d slept at all, and if so, where. As far as he knew Dean couldn´t have taken more than the fifty to sixty dollars he´d had left, but maybe he´d hustled. If so, then Sam would kick his ass later. Hustling alone was a stupid thing to do and an unnecessary risk they just couldn´t afford. 

Dean didn´t say anything for a long time, fidgeting under Sam´s eyes like a scolded child and so obviously searching for words that Sam felt sorry for him. He´d never been good with words, it just wasn´t his thing, and Sam had learned to deal with it a long time ago. Didn´t mean he liked it, most of the time, but he could understand that this fucked up situation wasn´t easy to get through. 

“So, you gonna run again? Or can I go to sleep without worrying you´re gonna be gone when I wake up?” 

Dean scuffed the tip of his boot against the dirty carpet and shook his head without making eye contact. 

“No more running.” He muttered. 

Sam could see his deliciously pink tongue licking over ridiculously plush lips and swallowed, longing to kiss them. When Dean looked up his eyes were huge and wet, desolate. 

“Sammy-“He couldn´t remember a time when his brother´s voice had trembled like that. 

“It´s okay. I´m sure you´ve been tearing yourself up over what happened for the past two days, and you can stop right now. Just forget about it.” He offered, managing a weak smile. 

Dean stared at him, lips parted and a muscle in his cheek twitching. 

“How can you say that? I pretty much raped you!” 

Sam snorted, shook his head. “Don´t be dramatic. You can´t rape the willing. So the sex was a bit rough, doesn´t mean anything.” 

His brother looked at him in disbelief, and he shrugged. 

“I could have pushed you away, you know? I´m not too weak to defend myself, don´t kid yourself.” 

Dean swallowed, looking away, and Sam stood and walked over. 

“Dean, hey.” He grabbed his brother´s hand, intertwining their fingers. “I won´t pretend what happened isn´t a bit fucked up. It´s probably really unhealthy. But our entire relationship is fucked up and unhealthy, and I don´t care. I just don´t care, Dean. I want this, I want us, and if you want me I´ll be happy to be with you again.” 

Dean looked up at him, lips trembling as he fought back tears, and Sam had never wanted to kiss him more. 

“But I hurt you.” Dean whispered, voice breaking. “I swore I´d never hurt you and-“

He broke off, but Sam caught his face in his hand before he could look away again. 

“Yeah you did, but it was consensual. I didn´t enjoy all of it, not gonna lie, but I didn´t entirely hate it or I would have stopped you. You were angry; you needed to get it out of your system. I can deal with a bit of pain if it gives me back you, Dean.” 

He stroked Dean´s cheekbone with his thumb soothingly, waiting for Dean to say something. 

“I´m sorry, Sammy. I don´t know what came over me, I- I know you don’t hate me, hearing what you said just-“

He broke off again, hands hitting his thighs when he dropped them in frustration. 

“I know. Which is why I let you do it. I swear it´s okay. I´m not angry and I´m not hurt badly, just a bit sore.” Sam promised, smiling softly. 

“Still, I should never have hurt you. Shouldn´t have touched you like that at all, hell, you just lost your girlfriend!” 

Sam sighed, pushing away the hurt at the mention of Jess. 

“I loved Jess, a lot. I still do. But I always loved you more. It was never the same with her, which was the reason I got together with her in the first place. She didn´t remind me what I´d left behind all the time, it would have been too painful. I missed you, constantly.” He confessed; taking in Dean´s stunned expression with a satisfied feeling. “I love you, Dean.” 

His brother´s tongue darted out to wet his lips nervously, eyes darting around as he floundered for words. Shaking his head Sam decided to let him off the hook. 

“S´okay, you don´t have to say it back. I know anyway. Just, tell me if you want to go back to the way things were before I left?” 

To his relief Dean immediately nodded. “Yeah, I- I´d like that, Sammy.” He muttered, and Sam smiled. 

“Then kiss me, you jerk.” 

Dean´s lips twitched up. “Bitch.” 

And he kissed Sam, just the way he used to.


End file.
